Untitled. 2 – The Eyeball

Continuation of my story/biography/writing/therapy or whatever the fuck this is.

From The Textmate, you probably know what happened and if not, I suggest reading it first. I learned a lot from that and we were still friends and naging pulutan lang ung kwento sa maraming inuman sessions ng tropa for so many years after that time. And we (I) also did it to others just for fun until it became known and not that fun anymore, ung iba kasi napipikon nag invest kasi ng emotions masyadong seryoso, tapos malalaman nya nalang si Mark or Joseph pala ung inay-love you-han. haha..

I guess from that tiny slice of a story from my high school days, may idea na kayo that I (or we) represent the n% of public high school boys na hindi naka score sa mga chiks nung high school dahil hindi kami gwapo, trope kami, mapimples, maitim, kimpy ung buhok, hindi kami yearly magpalit ng bagong uniform, hindi kami nakaka sabay sa usong six pocket jeans and hindi kami kumakain sa canteen ng school. Dun kami nakikipag siksikan sa mga vendors sa tapat ng school pag break time. Canteen for us simply too pricey, dun tayo kay Mang Edgar mura na, mumurahin ka pa at madumi pa! haha. – this will be a very important part later on.

Going back to the eyeball, yes, it did happen. And from the best of my memory, this is how it went.
Again, mga batang 90’s mag-ingay wag mag deny ginawa nyo to umamin kayo!! haha

After the traumatic/hilarious experience on The Textmate, I’m now extra cautious. I was still in high school if my memory is correct I’m in my 4th year when this happened. Textmate was starting to get mainstream as more and more people are getting their hands on any Nokia or Alcatel they can afford. Also, networks are starting to introduce some promos which made text messaging even more affordable. (Etong time na to hindi pa uso ung ‘drop-call’ yes dadating tayo jan, relax lang.)Sa dami ng katextmate ko during those times hindi ko na matandaan kung saan ko nakuha ung number ni (tawagin nalang natin syang) ‘Reloader’ you will see later why. I think she is from QC or some part in Metro Manila where it’s at least a 2-hour bus ride via NLEX to get to my province.

We were actively texting and sexting each other (yes tangina marunong nako non). Keep in mind na we had calls (not only text) every now and then just to make sure na hindi sya si Brandon or Richard. Texting and sometimes calling (8pesos per min – remember??) was constant and hindi ko matandaan if she was a student din ba or working during that time or I simply don’t give a fuck, libog lang talaga. Also I remember na hindi lang sya ung katext ko, meron din iba pa pero sya ung constant na mabilis magreply and laging game pag taglibog ako which is all the time. I won’t go into details ng text kasi (d ko na maalala) it’s not important. What is important is the what happens next.

Like a typical asshole I am, binola bola ko sya with words like, ‘mas masarap sana kung sa personal kita kakantutin’
This is me, solid-high school-virgin acting like I know Kamasutra! Yes, I’m still a virgin by that time. I can sense na she like me or at least have feelings for me kasi compare to other textmates sya ung may ‘concern’ flavor sa conversations namin. She would ask questions like she care. There are times na wala akong load and she would send me a pre-paid card number just so we can continue texting. (hence the name ‘Reloader’) and those are not cheap! 300 yata or 350 ung card and that is a hell lot of money during that time (at least for me). Yeah, I was young and didn’t realize I’m actually in a sugar-mommy boy-toy situation.

So I asked if she want to meet – this is my first ever eyeball, ever! and she said, yes. She knows I’m still a student and she will be the one to travel to me. Dates, time and locations are set. Luckily, walang tao sa bahay madalas and that day is one of those days. I planned to skip school on that day. So the day comes. I pick my most recent best-looking school uniform (which is a year old na haha). Naghilod ako ng 3 times pati singit ko and bayag, did not shave (d ko pa alam non). I apply a very generous amount of Splash Gel (nostalgic nanaman to!) to my hair and did my hair kimpy-smooth na parang dinilaan ng kalabaw sa side and binaril ung hati sa gitna. Then I head off sa meeting point namin which is a 3rd floor of the only shopping mall sa province namin that time. Habang nasa jeep ako, nagmessage sya na nandon na daw sya. D pa uso traffic non. She describes to me what she is wearing and where her exact location is.

Now, based on reasearch sa mga tropa (kahit pare pareho naman kaming virgin), sa eyeball hindi ka muna agad magpapakita. You will position yourself distant enough not to be obvious but close enough to see her features. (tangina umamin kayo ginawa nyo to!) Young generations, kung hindi nyo gets to para makarelate kayo, watch an episode of Animal Planet, and watch how a Leopard watches its prey from a distance checking if it’s ‘meaty’ enough! So there I was and preying this girl that I know it was her based on the details she said.

The plan is (according to my expert virgin and dick head friends) is, pag pangit, iwan mo tapos wag kana magreply. Or be nice, sabihin mo may emergency tinawagan ka ng nanay mo may namatay na kuko sya. Or namatay ung kambing mo na mahal na mahal mo. Or may ipis na nakabuntis ng daga sinugod ng pamilya. In short, any fucking excuse will do para hindi ka mapasubo kung pangit sya.

I realize that I fucked up two things in this scenario.
First, the location is on the 3rd floor of a shopping mall where there is nothing but arcades.
Second, the time of the meet-up was morning, students who flocks the arcades are still in school, the 3rd floor is basically deserted apart from the cleaning crew and a few kiosk vendors. I fucked this up. Even standing from a distance my intention is obvious. I’m waiting for someone.

I fucked up my cover. My phone vibrates, 1 message received.

Reloader: ‘ikaw ba ung nakatayo sa may elevator?’
Again, another rookie mistake. I looked at my phone immediately making it pretty obvious!

So I set aside my nerves and fear and replied:‘oo, san ka?’ (Pretending na hindi ko pa alam kung nasan sya.)

She replied: ‘puntahan kita jan, wag ka tumakbo ha, sabi ko naman hindi ako maganda. wait lang papunta na’I saw her stand up, fix herself and start walking towards me.
The best way to describe the feeling at that moment is the rap from Eminem. ‘knees weak, arms are heavy… he’s nervous but on the surface, he looks calm and ready to drop bombs…’gets nyo yan.

The first thing I notice is her height. Maliit sya, I guess coming from 5’11 me that is a little unfair.
Then she is in front of me. Her first words were ‘grabe ang tangkad mo..’ It felt good, a compliment. Now, this is the awkward part and the most crucial part which will decide the go or no go. I discreetly scan her features. Now, in all honesty, hindi sya maganda. I was not attracted to her at all. Hygiene is 5/10, looks 4/10, boobs (for her built) 7/10 there are some many reasons physically red flag for me.

But the thing is, I clearly see that she likes me, I know that I can fuck her, and she will let me do want I want with her, easily. Again, I was young, stupid, horny, and a virgin, fuck standards! So I said to myself, fuck it let’s go. Alam nyo ung saying before na ‘Laman tiyan din yan‘ it’s exactly that. Thinking about it now, that saying was incomplete, it should be ‘Laman tiyan din yan, kung gutom na gutom kana’. haha. But seriously, as cringe as it sounds, it’s her personality that I like and I appreciate that she traveled that far. I’m an asshole and a dickhead but I realize that I do have a soft spot for effort. – you will see how this one plays out in the next part of my fucked up writing.

After small chats I said: ‘tara sa bahay tayo walang tao pero walang food, bili nalang tayong take out’we then started walking towards the mall exit. It was awkward, keeping my distance from her. I don’t know pero kasi.. eto ha, pangit sya. tang ina. judgemental pretentious fuckers judge away!

We order jabi and take the jeepney pauwi sa bahay. Again, it’s awkward and pretty obvious that a boy in student uniform in a jeepney skipped class with a girl holding take-away jabi at 11 AM on a school day. I can sense gossip and judgment from the strange looks of other passengers. What is worst, eto ha.. if you are local in our province, you know this. The looks of locals vs the looks of ‘visitos’ are very different and very obvious. All the time I was quiet until we finally reach home.

Sorry I have to cut this into 2 parts. I realize it is getting too much for a single read.