Written by sweetviolet
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Numb
Parang wala sa sariling kusang umangat ang aking mga kamay sa seradura ng pintong nakasara.
My mind is screaming, my heart is racing. I have to see it to confirm what my ears are hearing.
Damn it!
Let it be just a trick.
Let it be just a mistake.
Please… Please… Please.
Sana naman, please.
Nanginginig ang bawat himaymay ng aking kalamnan habang patuloy kong naririnig ang kanilang mga nakakasulasok na halinghing.
Nakakadiri, nakakasuka, nakakapanggigil; parang mga pusang kumekerengkeng sa bubuong ng bahay kapag taglibog at madilim.
Mga hayup!
Daig ko pa ang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Binitiwan ko ang doorknob dahil hindi ko na kailangan pang makita upang patunayan kung sino sila at kung ano ang kanilang ginagawa.
Wala na akong duda, si Ninang Ana at ang aking Ina, nagtatalik ang mga putangina!
Mga walanghiya!
Ang kakapal ng pagmumukha.
“Ohhhhhh… mahaaaal… ummmm….”
And then silence…
I looked up and there he was, covering both my ears with his own two hands – Peter.
He started walking backwards to his open bedroom next door, still holding me tight, staring at me with unblinking eyes. Welcoming the silence, I let my self be drawn until we’re inside and the door closed behind. Only then and there that I let my tears fall down my face.
Sa isang iglap, mundo ko ay biglang gumuho.
How can she do this to us?
At tuluyan ng humulagpos ang hikbing aking pinipigilan. Daig ko pa ang kinakatay na baboy sa aking paghagulgol. Kusang hinanap ng aking katawan ang init ng pagkalinga ni Peter.
Now, more than ever, I needed somebody to lean on.
Niyakap n’ya ako ng mahigpit at hinayaang basain ko ng aking luha’t sipon ang damit niyang amoy downy.
“Fuck!” I heard him say. “I prayed so hard that you wouldn’t ever find out about this.”
Shit! Ibig bang sabihin ay matagal na nilang niloloko ang Daddy ko?
“Shhhhhh… Bea, I’m so sorry. So sorry, about all of these.”
He knows!
God, he knows it all and he kept his silence?
Putanginaaaaa!!!
Ginawa nila akong tanga.
Si Daddy, paano na si Daddy?
Pak!!!!
Sampal dito, sampal doon.
“How dare you!”
Pak!!!
“How dare you kept your silence!”
Pak!!!
“Matagal mo ng alam, pero hinayaan mo lang?”
Pak!!!
Ang buwisit at hinuli ang magkabila kong kamay.
“Bitiwan mo ‘ko. Parepareho lang kayo!”
Ang sakiiiiit. Lintik, bakit ba naman ang lakas ng Pedrong ito eh, pareho lang naman kami ng kinain sa agahan, tanghalian at hapunan?
Nakakainis hindi ako makawala.
“If I told you, then what? What? Tell me what good will it do to all of us? Akala mo ba madali para sa akin ang kimkimin at itago ang lihim? You’re wrong?”
Shit! he’s crying too. He’s fucking crying too!
“Alam ko Pete…Huh… Alam ko… Huh,hun… Alam ko… Huh, huh, huh…”
Naramdaman din niya kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. Nasasaktan rin siyang katulad ko.
Hinaplos ko ng aking mga kamay ang pisngi niyang kanina lang ay aking sinaktan.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry! ‘Di ko sinasadya.”
For a time that seems so long, we just stared at each other’s wet eyes. Neither of us utter a word, yet we understood, that we will both keep the secret and silently suffer; not alone, but together.
Itutuloy…
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@sweetviolet
Author’s Note:
Dear Daddy,
I am so sorry. I know it’s unfair, but I have to keep my silence to spare you the pain.
Forgive me. It’s for the best.
I love you,
Betchay
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