My Elizabeth 3

On the way to her school to drop her off the following day, Elizabeth was quiet and would not want to look at me. She held her bag on her lap and embraced it close to her, covering her chest. I wanted to talk to her but I could not say any words. Pagdating sa school niya, without looking at me, bumaba siya and said, “bye dad!. Hindi ako makasagot. Wala na yung goodbye kiss namin every time na ibinababa ko siya sa school.

At work, I was uneasy all day and I felt troubled. Ini-isip ko na anu na ang mangyayari sa amin ng daughter ko. Babalik na ba siya dun sa mom at step-dad niya? Her mom and I agreed that during the school year ay sa akin siya mag-stay dahil malapit lang ang work ko sa school niya. Kapag vacations and holiday seasons ay dun naman siya sa mommy niya. I thought it was fair with the arrangement since majority of the year ay kasama ko ang anak ko. Meron siyang sariling room sa bahay at may maid na mag-aasikaso sa kanya.

I had a meeting sa office after lunch at hindi ako makapag-conentrate sa kaka-isip at kakaworry ko sa nagawa ko kay Elizabeth kahapon. I kept looking at my phone kung may message siya sa akin. Alam ko na baka hindi niya ako madederetso dahil sa ginawa ko or baka takot or galit siya sa akin. Naguguluhan talaga ako. Any message will be fine sana para malaman ko kung ano ang nasa-isip niya. After ng meeting namin ay wala pa din message since morning ang daughter ko. So, I decided to text her and asked how’s her day so far. Pero, wala pa ding message. I felt sad and angry at myself at the same time. Bakit ko kasi nagawa iyon ang tanong ko sa sarili ko. I thought that it was really inappropriate to suck her breasts. Sa isip ko, ang aking ginawa ay isang pang-panghahalay o pananamantala na kung gawin ko iyon sa ibang tao ay pwedi akong mapakulong. Tapos nagawa ko pa sa anak ko. Makukulong din ako kung sakaling isumbong niya ako sa mama niya. Nagu-guilty talaga ako. I am guilty!

Pero naguguilty ba talaga ako? O worry lang ako dahil baka ayaw niya ang ginawa ko? E kung sakaling magustuhan naman niya, gagawin ko ba ulit? I opened some pictures ng anak ko sa phone ko at pinagmasdan ko siya. Enlarged ko yung mukha niya, yung dibdib niya, at yung mga hita niya dun sa mga pics na nakashort siya. Yung guilty ko ay nag-turned into lust na naman. Tinigasan ako habang pinagmamasdan ko ang mga pics ng anak ko.

Later that afternoon in the office, I got startled when I received a text from my daughter telling me that her mother will pick her up later after school and she will stay with her mother the whole weekend. I asked why so suddenly and she texted back that her mom will be throwing a surprise birthday party for her stepdad that weekend. I asked when she will be back. She texted telling me just to pick her up from school on Monday. I felt a little relieved that my daughter is now talking to me maski kahit sa text lang. Pero I’m still concern kasi sa text, I don’t see her demeanor or mood kaya napaparanoid pa din ako.

The following day, Saturday, I kept myself busy. I tried doing some work at home, went to the gym, did some groceries, etc. Come Sunday, I wake up early to ride my bike and spent several hours outside. I ate a light meal after my bike ride and it was around 11 am when I returned to the house. However, I felt so nervous when I saw my ex-wife’s car parked outside the house. I asked myself kung bakit siya nandoon. Naisip ko na sinumbong ako ng anak ko at malaking gulo ang mangyayari kapag pumasok na ako loob ng bahay. Pero sabi ko, bahala na. Haharapin ko ito since kasalanan ko naman.

Saktong papasok na ako sa gate ay biglang may paparating na mobile police car. Aangkas na sana ako sa bike ko para tumakas (as if hindi ako mahahabol ng mobile) pero tuloy-tuloy yung mobile at mukhang nagkataon na napadaan lang. Shit! Natotorete ako sa takot.

Ng pagpasok ko sa garage ay lumabas bigla ang ex-wife ko.

“O kumusta ang bike ride mo?”

“Ha, anong bike ride?” sabi ko naman.

“Ayan o, hilahila mo yung bike mo at nakahelmet ka pa.”

“Ah, oo, heto ok lang medyo napagod.”

Upon hearing her greetings and questions, I realized that I’m not in trouble kaya nag-ayos ako ng composure ko.

“Bat’ ka pala nandito? Akala ko may surpise bday party sa iyo?

“Kahapon pa yon. Nagpahatid na si Elizabeth kasi wala na pala siyang uniform dun sa bahay.”

“A ganun ba. Akala ko kasi sa Monday ko na siya susunduin sa school.”

“Hindi, hatid mu na siya bukas school. Heto, kumuha na din ako ng extra-uniform niya in case dun sa bahay siya mag-spend ng weekends ulit next time.”

After ilang minutes ay natapos na yung usapan namin sa garage ng ex-wife ko. Umalis na siya at pumasok naman ako sa loob. Naisip kong kausapin ang anak ko kaya pumunta ako sa room niya. Nakasara yung pinto ng room niya at ng aktong kakatok na ako, napigilan naman ako at umurong. I realized wala akong alam na gagawin or kung paano ko ba sisimulan ang usapan namin. I felt sad and helpless, I don’t know how to talk to my daughter about this issue. Well, who does anyway?

The following day, on the way to her school, tahimik pa din siya. Nagtanong tanong ako about dun sa surprise bday sa mom’s house niya pero halos monosyllabic ang kanyang mga sagot at hindi siya tumitingin sa akin. I felt sorry for what I did and while driving, I felt that my heart was broken because my daughter and I always had a good and loving relationship and now that relationship seemed to be ruined. Pagdating sa school, bumaba siya at nag “bye dad” lang siya sa akin.

The whole week has been like that and everything became ordinary. Our usual warm and loving text however were replaced by plain messages such as …

“I’m on my way,”

“Ok” or

“Are you hungry”

“No” or

“How was your day”

“Fine” or

“Do you want me to get you some warm milk”

“Yaya gave me already” etc.

I really missed those days na nakikiss ko siya kapag-hahatid at susunduin ko siya sa school. Somehow, I started to accept the reality and the consequences of what I have done to her. At least, it seemed that she kept everything to herself and did not tell anyone. I was hoping that we could really talk about what happened but I was giving her time and space. I don’t want to antagonize or pressure her. But after that whole week, I could not take it any longer so I texted her habang nasa work ako:

Daddy: I’m sorry baby

Elizabeth: It’s OK

D: Are you mad at me?

E: I don’t know…no…!

D: Can we talk?

There was a long pause in her message and I felt so anxious. After about 10 minutes she texted.

E: Ok

D: Can we talk after I pick you up from school?

E: Ok

D: We could eat first?

E: Ok

D: We won’t stay out long I know you have school.

E: It’s Friday dad.

D: Oh, I see, no school tomorrow pala.

E: Yup!

I felt great relief when she called me dad again maski sa text lang.

D: Cge, I’ll see you later after work.

E: Ok.

I picked her up from her school after ng work. We went to the nearby commercial area and chose a place where we often go. The hostess seated us at the corner so we had some more privacy than the other guests, which is fine kase I don’t want other people overhearing my conversation with my daughter. We seated facing each other. We ordered our food and while waiting I initiated our talk.

Daddy: How’s your day?

Pero, diniretcho na niya ako.

Elizabeth: . . .Dad, I’m not mad at you…”

I realized that she knew that we really had to address the “issue” and small talks with not take us anywhere.

D: Ah, ok…pero sorry anak, mali yung ginawa ko sa iyo.

E: I understand naman dad. Sorry at hindi kita kaagad kina-usap. Nahihiya din ako sa iyo.

D: Anak, wag kang mahiya sa akin. Ako yung mali. Diba usapan natin noon na sabihin mo kaagad sa akin kahit ano ang nag-bobother sa iyo.

E: I know that, pero what happened was unusual.

D: Fair enough, and you’re right anak. Again, I’m sorry.

E: Ok dad. I not mad at you. Never was. I was just a little confused kase kaya I could not talk to you.

D: I know it’s very confusing to you what I have done since dads don’t do that to their daughters.

My daughter sipped some water from her glass and paused for a long time before talking to me again.

D: Is there something that you wanted to say anak?

Again, she sipped some water and took about a minute before she replied.

E: “Wala naman dad…”

We had our dinner and I’m glad that we talked. I am also happy because I and my daughter could now slowly resume our normal relationship as before. I swear that I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I’m thankful that she has given me another chance.

The whole weekend was uneventful. She stayed at home doing her school works. She also met some of her classmates in our house for some group works. I don’t mind my daughter having her classmates or friends in our house because that’s better than hers leaving the house. I had my own routine and also went biking on Sunday. I took a long trip to maintain my health and improve my endurance. I was hoping that someday, I and my daughter will run and chase each other around the house again, without, of course, sucking her breasts.

Come Monday, the start of another school week, I took her to school. She was so pretty and I could smell her wonderful fresh shower scent in the morning. I have to keep everything to myself. I don’t want to commit another act that could trouble and hurt her feelings. But my mind could do whatever it wants. I’m just a human. A man who loves and extremely desires a girl. It just so happened that the girl is my daughter.

She opened that car door but before she stepped out from the car, she looked at me and said, “Dad…you can still kiss me.”

My heartbeat became so fast when she said that and my hands lightly trembled. She noticed it and held my right hand and leaned towards me. I thought it will be awkward but I manage to hold my composure and kissed the side of her lips. Dun lang muna, para safe. Nung time na hindi kami nag-uusap ng maayos at yung nakaraan mga araw na hindi ko siya mahalikan seemed to have heightened my yearning to kiss her. That’s why the kiss that morning felt so special and tender. At work, while having lunch, I texted her:

D: I’m glad that we talked.

E: Me, too dad.

D: How are u?

E: Having my lunch

D: I see, jst wondering hw u doing, cge continue ur lunch.

E: Ok, dad, c u later.

D: Later baby.

After 10 minutes, I typed another text, but I could not send it right away cos I was kinda afraid that she might get upset. But since I was feeling good about our “reconciliation,” I took the chance and sent a very risky message:

D: I really missed kissing u…

She did not text right away, so I thought that she did not appreciate what I texted. But later that afternoon, though, when I was about to leave our building, she texted me:

E: “Me too dad…”

I felt so relieved and elated when I read it. When I picked her up, as soon as she sat on the passenger’s seat, I leaned on her and kissed the side of her lips, once more. Like, earlier, the kiss felt really wonderful even if the kiss lasted only for a second.

That evening was again uneventful and we did our respective activities and retired for the night. The next morning, on Tuesday, I kissed her again on the side of her lips. I’m still taking it slowly. But, come Wednesday, when I was about to kiss her, she faced me, so I kissed her lips that day. God, that was so great! I’m also happy that our routine chats returned while in the car. Kaya ayun, with luck, I was able to kiss her straight on the lips for the rest of the week.

Then, the weekend came na nga. It has been a long and tiresome week for me because of work and I will be working the whole weekend to finish a report. Pero I’m not worried about that right now kase pasundo ako sa anak ko. Pagsakay niya sa kotse, nakaponytail yung buhok niya. Mapapansin mu yung mga nunal niya sa leeg na nag-papasexy talaga sa kanya. Gusto ko rin sanang halikan ang mga iyon, pero baka ma-trouble na naman ako. Kaya kiss ko na lang siya sa lips habang hawak ko ang kanyang face. Tinagalan ko ng kaunti at ni-lock ko yung upper lips niya pero I did not extend my tongue, for now.

Pag-kakiss namin, she spoke and was delightful but hungry.

“Hi dad”

“Hello, baby”

“I’m craving some strawberry shake dad”

“Ayaw mu munang mag-dinner?”

“Busog pa kasi ako, dad.”

“Ok, anak…cge dun na lang din ako kakain.”

“Dad, ok lang mag-take out na lang tayo, gusto ko na kasing magrelax sa house.”

“Ok, sige sa bahay na lang tayo kumain.”

Dumaan kami dun sa may store where they have the strawberry shake. Ang anak ko na lang ang lumabas para mag-take out. We got one big strawberry shake, one big fries, and a burger for me. Dahil favorite namin ang fries pareho, kinain na namin yun habang ma-init at crunchy pa. As usual, she like it dipping the fries sa shake kaya isasawsaw niya yung fries sa shake before eating it. Tapos, habang ako naman ay nagdridrive, katulad ng dati, ay susubuan niya ako. I’m so glad we’re doing fine ni Elizabeth. Pero dahil shake iyon at hindi naman ice cream, madaling tumulo kaya she let me again licked yung shake sa finger niya.

Sa isip ko, hmm, teka. Alam niya na kapag-kumakain kami ng fries with shake ay ganito ang mangyayari. Biglang nagulo at nalito ang isip ko. Sinasadya ba niya ito. Tumibok bigla ang dibdib ko at na-aroused ako. Naka-wool pants lang ako at halata kung titigasan ako. Pero buti na lang at nakastuck sa boxer ko yung erection ko kaya hindi umangat sa harapan ko. Pero pinilit kong huwag bigyan ng malisya yung sitwasyon kase baka magkamali na naman ako. Mahirap na kaya inisip ko na favorite lang talaga ni Elizabeth ang snack combination na ito.

Kaso, weakness ko talaga si Elizabeth. Parang wala na akong magawa at mahirap kontroling ang sarili. Sa isip ko, subukan ko na maging pasimple na lang sa kamunduhan ko.

Sakto naman at talagang sobrang kina-amazed ko yung moment na iyon. Kase, actually, kapag pagkain ko ng fries mula sa pagsubo niya ay pinapa-lick and suck niya yung shake na tumutulo sa thumb at daliri niya. At nung nasa stop light kami, habang nakahinto ang car, nung pagkagat niya sa fries niya, lumingon ako sa kanya. Suddenly, while the car was still on the stop, she leaned on towards me habang subo niya pa yung fries. Sinalubong ko kaagad siya maski nahila ako ng seatbelt. Then, I bit the fries but I made sure that my lips touched hers. Nalasahan ko yung strawberry shake sa lips niya. Ang sarap. I felt very excited at lalong na-aroused ako. Nang ibuka ko ng kaunti ang mga hita ko ay parang kusang kumawala sa pagkaka-ipit ang penis ko. Kaya kung mapapatingin lang siya sa bandang zipper ko, mahahalata talaga niya na tinitigasan ako.

We did it again kapag naka-stop ang sasakyan. We would lean towards each other. At nung ulit isusubo niya yung fries sa akin, kinagat ko yung fries pero I was really close sa lips niya. At pagkagat ko, I kissed her longer, mga 3 to 4 seconds. Hindi ko naman hawak yung face niya pero I noticed na she also held herself leaning to me and she held the kiss, too. Then, dun sa next stoplight, as I bite yung fries closer to her lips, I held the kiss this time for five to six seconds. She let go only when I let go of her lips. Her lovely face was glowing inside my dimly lighted and tinted car. Her smile is a smile of approval of what she and I were doing.

When we arrived at the house, the yaya opened the gate for us. I then parked the car in the garage. “Isa pang fries, baby” sabi ko bago kami bumaba. She took a couple of fries, dipped them into the strawberry shake, but instead of placing them to my mouth, she again bit the half and offered the rest to me. With our seat belts off, I held her face with my hands. She closed her eyes in anticipation and I bit the fries and kissed her. But I did something more. I slowly planted another three gentle kisses successively on her lips. Each lasted for two to three seconds. With still some strong will power and control remaining in me, I reluctantly let go of her wonderful lips and angelic face.